Lost in Mokona
by KittenKin
Summary: In which Kurogane and Fai have communication issues even when Mokona is nearby. North American English vs. Western Australian English, FIGHT! Slight KuroFai, a bit of language, potentially harmful mental images, and a lot of crack.


**Author's Note:** My first piece of crack. Not sure if proud or ashamed of self.

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><p>"Oi!" Kurogane called from the front door, a few seconds after having supposedly left to go "register them at the census bureau", whatever that was. "I forgot; when you go shopping pick me up some thongs."<p>

Fai finished his orange juice - if "finished" could apply to the act of snorting his current mouthful up into his sinuses and spilling the rest of his glass as he slammed it down onto the very uneven surface of his plate of fruit - and replied as quickly as he could between coughs and sputters.

"Excuse me?" the mage cried, pinching his nose and winking away tears. Citrus-sneezes stung like a _bitch_.

"THONGS!" Kurogane shouted. "A PAIR OF THONGS!"

Fai staggered to his feet, wiping tears and juice away on his sleeves, and went to the front door. Saints save him, sometimes Kurogane took unembarrassed to new lows. He was certain he hadn't mis-heard - the _neighbors_had probably heard the ninja bellow out his order for scandalously skimpy undergarments - but Fai still felt the need to clarify.

"Thongs?" he asked weakly, with a cough to clear away a bit of the hoarseness roughening his voice. "Like..._thongs_? The little...uh..." The blonde brought his hands up and drew a Y-shape in the air between them.

Kurogane watched the wizard's little finger dance and then visualized a pair of the zori-esque slipper-things he'd seen people wearing about this new, blazingly sunny world. Two straps came in from the sides of each foot and met in a low curve before disappearing between the wearer's first two toes, and the shape of the straps was very much like the design the blonde had traced in the air.

"Yeah, those," the ninja confirmed. "Saw some guys wearing them yesterday and thought they looked comfortable." The clothes - and heavy boots - they'd worn in from the last world were much too stuffy and warm for their new temporary home, and Fai had volunteered to go clothes shopping. They'd agreed to just leave the choices up to him, but Kurogane wanted to make sure the idiot didn't forget footgear.

"Saw some-" Fai choked. _How had he missed THAT?_ "Um...okay." He laughed a little, the shock receding a bit and amusement starting to poke its head out of the smoking ruins of his composure.

"Any requests?" Fai asked with a lopsided, still slightly incredulous grin. "Color, material...?" If Kurogane asked for pink with sequins, then this was definitely just a crazy dream and he might as well jump on the man and get a kiss or two in while he was at it.

"Who cares?" Kurogane groused. "Just make sure they're not made of some cheap material that's going to fall apart with a little rough usage." While Fai reeled a bit over the mental images of what "rough usage" might mean - _and can I participate?_ - the ninja thought it over and had second thoughts about leaving all of the design decisions to the mage. Though he generally erred on the side of caution in choosing clothing, picking things that would help them blend in for safety's sake, Kurogane didn't put it entirely past the idiot to come home with something polka-dotted or insanely bright and cheerful.

"Well, I guess if there's a selection, black's fine. Or red," Kurogane decided, and then quirked an eyebrow over the way Fai seemed to be having trouble looking at him. Or rather, trouble looking him in the eyes.

"Uh huh," Fai said faintly, trying desperately to rip his eyeballs away from the other man's groin - _stop staring STOP STARING he's going to notice and he's going to KILL YOU_ - while imagining what lay underneath clad in nothing but a few square inches of tight, thin, tight, bright red, really tight - _OH GOD STOP think of something else COLD COFFEE DEAD PUPPIES SUSHI PLATTERS_...

He dragged his horrified, fascinated gaze upward and felt a chill as he found red eyes glaring down at him, clearly on the verge of boiling over at his misplaced attention. In a panic, Fai crinkled his eyes shut in a big full-face smile and cheerfully spoke the first words that came to him.

Unfortunately they didn't exactly come from his brain.

The upper one, at least.

"Gonna to let me watch you put 'em on when I get home?" _FUCK, BRAIN, WHAT? How about "sure thing, see you later" or "will do, Kuro-rin"? Not "GIMME HOMEMADE PORN, KURO-**DADDY**"!_

"Sure," Kurogane replied, not understanding why Fai would be interested in watching him put on sandals but not caring enough to protest. He was running late for the appointment at the census bureau and this conversation needed to be over soon or he'd miss it entirely.

He ended up rescheduling, because Fai blinked at him, went beet red and had to be carted off to a local medical center twenty minutes later to have a severe nosebleed treated with cauterization.


End file.
